You Say He’s Just a Friend

That song was so much fun to sing back in the day.  And the fact that the artist was so off key, made it more fun to sing aloud because you knew you sounded at least as good as he did.  But in real life, that song is no fun.

I have a male friend.  He goes to the same church as me.  He is cool.  A little younger than me.  Active in the church.  Always there to help me or anyone.  Really a good guy.  One of those where you want to ask why haven’t you found a good woman?  When I have parties, he always comes and brings drinks as well as does what he can to help with food or whatever.  In fact, he would do so much that a couple of people thought we were dating.  I have to admit.  Those inquiries led me to ask, God are you sure he’s only a friend?  Could there be more?


How do I know?  Besides for not being remotely attracted to him, I frequently find my mind wandering when he begins talking.  I mean I truly have no interest in what he has to say after the first minute, if that long.  I really don’t know much about him nor am I trying to.  And the little I do know is of little interest to me and I find outside church we have little to nothing in common.

Even as I write this I know I must sound really harsh.  I pray he never finds and reads this.  But if he does I have to own up to each word because they are true.  But as I write, I realize God is saying that he is just a friend.  Not every person of the opposite sex that crosses your path has to be interested in dating you.  Nor do you have to be interested in dating that person.  To think so is either a need to feel desirable or a fear of being alone.  And I must say that at age 42, there is a little voice that questions if I will ever be married.

But God I trust you.  I will hold on knowing that you have not forgotten me.  You have my husband waiting for me.  In fact, You are preparing me for him and him for me.  This time of waiting is allowing me to get things in order and create balance in my life so that when he comes, that is one less issue to stress the marriage.

I am in such a rush to be married and begin that chapter of my life that I question if each guy that approaches me is the one.  But with each guy the response is the same.  To be with him I would be settling.  I would have to compromise just for the sake of being married.  I would be forfeiting God’s latter in my life for satisfaction right now.  In my heart, I know I would not truly be happy or exemplify the love that God desires for each of us. I would simply be caving into peer pressure, societal pressures and questions, and my own fears and insecurities.  But God did not give the spirit of fear but of a sound and disciplined mind.  Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world.  He that has begun a good work in me is faithful to complete it until the day of Christ Jesus.

What does all that mean?

I have no reason to fear being alone.  I should not and do not need to feel anxious or impatient concerning when will I be married.  My journey and story is unique and different and bigger than just me.  I must go through this because someone else needs to know how to hold on and stand on God’s word especially when it seems hard and everything around you says to let go and give up or worse yet, settle.  To give up or settle would mean I am aborting God’s plan and destiny for my life.  To settle or give up would mean I am questioning God’s authority in my life.  To settle or give up would be selfish and believing the world revolves around me. To settle or give up would mean I believe I have a better plan and know more than God.

So, with a calmness and peace that I can’t fully explain, I acknowledge and accept that he and the other men around me are just friends.  I appreciate their presence.  I appreciate their kindness and encouragement and support.  I appreciate when they allow me to vent or unload.  I appreciate all the little things each of them do for me in this season of my life. I know some of the greatest love stories have begun as friendships, but these will not be one of those stories.  No, the guys in my life right now are friends.  Til death do us part.  Just friends.  And for that I say thank you God.


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